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Timbuktu/Correction
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Message de happyboy3311 posté le 06-10-2014 à 20:17:13 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
En anglais, nous avons travaillé sur "Timbuktu" de Paul Auster. Nous devons rédiger un dialogue entre Willy et son chien (Mr. Bones). Je crois cependant avoir fait quelques erreurs... Pouvez-vous m'aider à les trouver pour que je puisse les corriger ensuite ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses
I was staying here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone. I still remember yesterday, when we were walking in the street, talking to each other, smiling to each other.
He was saying “Mr. Bones, my friend, my Bonny… When I will go to the other world, to Timbuktu…” I used to hate when he was saying that. Willy can’t die! He couldn’t die…
“My dear friend,” he continued “when I will go to Timbuktu, you will have to take care of you. This world… this world of silly people is full of bad persons who want to take your life, take your dreams, and take your friends. Don’t trust anyone! If you see the men in blue with their paddy wagons and unmarked cars, if you see a hypocrite smile, if you see the constables, run! Run for your life! Run faster than you do! And remember each words, each piece of advice that I’m saying to you”
“No Willy, no! You know, you can’t die! A world without you couldn’t exist! You know that! Tell me you know that!” I barked, sobbing.
And at this time, I didn’t see how he was suffering…
“Mr. Bones, you must be brave and courageous. You must be the most courageous dog in this poor world. I will be proud of you. I will see you from Timbuktu and I will proud of my dear friend, the greatest spirit that I’ve ever met on this earth. You will know to save your life, won’t you?”
What could I answer at this time?
“Yes Willy, I will” I promised, hugging me against him.
I still see him, smiling to me with this smile, this smile which was only for me.
“And in some years, when you will be tired of this world, you will join me in Timbuktu. You know, my Bonny, it’s the land of marvels. The land where everything is possible, every dream can be, and when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true… There are oceans of light, clouds of fire, the fragrance of the happiness everywhere… The water is sweet like the prettiest verses that the world has ever heard…”
And I was listening to him, the head on his knees. I was hearing the song of the wind; I was smelling the flowers, the gentleness of the earth of Timbuktu. Willy was rehearsing his most beautiful poems, he known that it calmed me. His voice was for me the prettiest voice, since my birthday… And I will never hear this voice again… before going to Timbuktu.
I was staying here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone, near the corpse of Willy. My master, my friend… and I was understanding that the world collapsing around me.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-10-2014 21:30
Message de happyboy3311 posté le 06-10-2014 à 20:17:13 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
En anglais, nous avons travaillé sur "Timbuktu" de Paul Auster. Nous devons rédiger un dialogue entre Willy et son chien (Mr. Bones). Je crois cependant avoir fait quelques erreurs... Pouvez-vous m'aider à les trouver pour que je puisse les corriger ensuite ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses
I was staying here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone. I still remember yesterday, when we were walking in the street, talking to each other, smiling to each other.
He was saying “Mr. Bones, my friend, my Bonny… When I will go to the other world, to Timbuktu…” I used to hate when he was saying that. Willy can’t die! He couldn’t die…
“My dear friend,” he continued “when I will go to Timbuktu, you will have to take care of you. This world… this world of silly people is full of bad persons who want to take your life, take your dreams, and take your friends. Don’t trust anyone! If you see the men in blue with their paddy wagons and unmarked cars, if you see a hypocrite smile, if you see the constables, run! Run for your life! Run faster than you do! And remember each words, each piece of advice that I’m saying to you”
“No Willy, no! You know, you can’t die! A world without you couldn’t exist! You know that! Tell me you know that!” I barked, sobbing.
And at this time, I didn’t see how he was suffering…
“Mr. Bones, you must be brave and courageous. You must be the most courageous dog in this poor world. I will be proud of you. I will see you from Timbuktu and I will proud of my dear friend, the greatest spirit that I’ve ever met on this earth. You will know to save your life, won’t you?”
What could I answer at this time?
“Yes Willy, I will” I promised, hugging me against him.
I still see him, smiling to me with this smile, this smile which was only for me.
“And in some years, when you will be tired of this world, you will join me in Timbuktu. You know, my Bonny, it’s the land of marvels. The land where everything is possible, every dream can be, and when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true… There are oceans of light, clouds of fire, the fragrance of the happiness everywhere… The water is sweet like the prettiest verses that the world has ever heard…”
And I was listening to him, the head on his knees. I was hearing the song of the wind; I was smelling the flowers, the gentleness of the earth of Timbuktu. Willy was rehearsing his most beautiful poems, he known that it calmed me. His voice was for me the prettiest voice, since my birthday… And I will never hear this voice again… before going to Timbuktu.
I was staying here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone, near the corpse of Willy. My master, my friend… and I was understanding that the world collapsing around me.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-10-2014 21:30
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 07-10-2014 à 22:21:46 (S | E)
Au moins, l'anglais semble-t-il correct s'il vous plaît?
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de hushpuppy, postée le 08-10-2014 à 07:44:41 (S | E)
Bonsoir, ici mes propositions:
I was staying le participe devrait être le verbe principal au présent here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone. I still remember yesterday, when we were walking in the street, talking to each other, smiling to autre préposition each other.
He was saying “Mr. Bones, my friend, my Bonny… When I will en forme d'une question go to the other world, to Timbuktu…” I used to hate when he was saying voir le lien Lien internet
that. Willy can’t die! He couldn’t conditionnel de "will not" die…
“My dear friend,” he continued “when I
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 08-10-2014 à 16:53:38 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !
Mais pour les passages narratifs du texte, ne puis-je pas les laisser au passé ? (I was staying...)
Merci encore =)
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de hushpuppy, postée le 08-10-2014 à 23:27:35 (S | E)
Bonjour,
On peut utiliser "verb + pp-ing" selon du contexte. L'"ing" veut dire que c'est une chose qui passera. "I'm playing (but I won't keep playing 24/7 (ou 24h/24 en France ^^). Donc au début on comprend qu'il ne se sens pas que cela passera. Il est coincé. Il a commencé avec le présent, alors on écrirait au présent. Après, il pense au passé donc ce serait là que le passé débuterait. Est-ce que vous avez vu "He was saying" est correcte pour une phrase mais pas dans une autre ? C'est la raison que je vous ai laissé des liens, des explications sont lourde. J'aimerais beaucoup à voir vos propositions pour l'améliorer avant de continuer avec le texte donc je vous attends, et j'ai vu que j'ai manqué une chose:
And I’m feeling le participe devrait être le verbe principal au présent alone, so alone.
Qu'en proposez-vous ?
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Modifié par hushpuppy le 09-10-2014 14:07
Après d'avoir un peu du sommeil, le début a une autre option mais c'est toujours au présent. C'est le présent parfait continu. Ok, je suis parti au boulot, je vous laisse. Bonne chance et bonne journée!
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de here4u, postée le 09-10-2014 à 10:17:47 (S | E)
hello !
blue = error
green = suggestion
XXXX missing elements
I was staying here.(tps dépend du contexte ...) With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m ???? feeling alone, so alone. I still remember yesterday, when we were walking in the street, talking to each other, smiling to each other.
He was saying “Mr. Bones, my friend, my Bonny… When I will go(when = temporal conjunction) to the other world, to Timbuktu…” I used to hate when he was saying that. Willy can’t die! He couldn’t die…
“My dear friend,” he continued “when I will go to Timbuktu, you will have to take care of you. This world… this world of silly people is full of bad persons who want to take your life, take your dreams, and take your friends. Don’t trust anyone! If you see the men in blue with their paddy wagons and unmarked cars, if you see a hypocrite smile, if you see the constables, run! Run for your life! Run faster than you do! And remember each words, each piece of advice that I’m saying to you”
“No Willy, no! You know, you can’t die! A world without you couldn’t exist! You know that! Tell me you know that!” I barked, sobbing.
And at this time, I didn’t (boff!) see how he was suffering…
“Mr. Bones, you must be brave and courageous. You must be the most courageous dog in this poor world. I will be proud of you. I will see you from Timbuktu and I will XX proud of my dear friend, the greatest spirit that I’ve ever met on this earth. You will know XXX to save your life, won’t you?”
What could I answer at this time?
“Yes Willy, I will” I promised, hugging me(???not sure of what you mean ...) against him.
I still see him, smiling to me with this smile, this smile which was only for me.
“And in some years, when you will be tired of this world, you will join me in Timbuktu. You know, my Bonny, it’s the land of marvels. The land where everything is possible, every dream can be, and when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true… There are oceans of light, clouds of fire, the fragrance of the happiness everywhere… The water is sweet like the prettiest verses that the world has ever heard…”
And I was listening to him, the head on his knees. I was hearing the song of the wind; I was smelling the flowers, the gentleness of the earth of Timbuktu. Willy was rehearsing his most beautiful poems, he known that it calmed me. His voice was for me the prettiest voice, since my birthday… And I will never hear this voice again… before going to Timbuktu.
I was staying here. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I’m feeling alone, so alone, near the corpse of Willy. My master, my friend… and I was understanding that the world XXX collapsing around me.
Revoir la cohérence des temps ici et au début ... en fonction d'un critère, et vous y tenir ! Bon courage !
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de violet91, postée le 09-10-2014 à 14:40:22 (S | E)
Hello happyboy ,
Outre les points à reprendre signalés ci-dessus , il me semble étrange de voir l'article défini devant 'blue men ' et 'constables ' , sauf si tu veux vraiment dire ceux-là ' with their paddy wagons' et pas d'autres or else . Il est possible que Willy , ce poète vagabond , avertisse son chien 'parlant ' du danger général que représente la police pour eux . As-tu besoin du mot 'fourrière ' ? What about the slang equivalent for American police ?
Paul Auster ' in a doggy voice' and ' Timbuktu' : quelle chance tu as et quelle aubaine de l'amener sur le site ! Do dogs have souls ? J'imagine ta réponse ...
J'oubliais : 'rehearsing ' tu l'entends dans le sens de 'répéter , s'essayer à '..comme avant un concert ? Sûrement pas dans l'idée de répétition : he repeated ?
Bonne journée .
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de lucile83, postée le 09-10-2014 à 19:14:55 (S | E)
Hello,
This world… this world of silly people ...détermine le lieu et justifie l'emploi de The devant 'blue men ' et 'constables '.
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 09-10-2014 à 19:24:04 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour toutes ces réponses =)
Je vais encore améliorer mon texte mais pour le moment, voici le résultat grâce à vous ;)
I stayed there. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I felt lonely, so lonely. I still remembered yesterday, when we were walking in the street, talking to each other, smiling to each other.
He said “Mr. Bones, my friend, my Bonny… When I go to the other world, to Timbuktu…” I used to hate when he said that. Willy can’t die! He couldn’t die…
“My dear friend,” he continued “when I go to Timbuktu, you will have to take care of yourself. This world… this world of silly people is full of bad persons who want to take your life, take your dreams, and take your friends. Don’t trust anyone! If you see men in blue with paddy wagons and unmarked cars, if you see a hypocritical smile, if you see constables, run away! Run for your life! Run faster than you can! And remember each word, each piece of advice that I’m giving to you”
“No Willy, no! You know, you can’t die! A world without you couldn’t exist! You know that! Tell me you know that!” I howled with grief.
And at that time, I didn’t see how he was suffering…
“Mr. Bones, you must be brave and courageous. You must be the most courageous dog in this poor world. I will be proud of you. I will see you from Timbuktu, I will watch over you and I will be proud of my dear friend, the greatest spirit that I’ve ever met on this earth. You will know how to save your life, won’t you?”
What could I answer at this time?
“Yes Willy, I will” I promised, hugging him.
I still saw him, smiling to me with this smile, this smile which was only for me.
“And in some years, when you when you have enough of that world, you will join me in Timbuktu. You know, my Bonny, it’s the land of wonders. The land where everything is possible, every dream can be, and when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true… There are oceans of light, clouds of fire, the fragrance of happiness everywhere… The water is sweet like the prettiest verses that the world has ever heard…”
And I listened to him, my head on his knees. I heard the song of the wind; I smelt the flowers, the gentleness of the earth of Timbuktu. Willy said his most beautiful poems, he knew that it soothed me. His voice was for me the prettiest voice, since my birth… And I will never hear this voice again… before going to Timbuktu.
I stayed there. With nowhere to go. Nobody to find. And I felt lonely, so lonely, near the corpse of Willy. My master, my friend… and I understood that the world collapsed around me.
Vos corrections m'éclairent beaucoup sur des erreurs que je ne ferai donc plus ^^ merci encore !
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Modifié par happyboy3311 le 09-10-2014 19:40
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de here4u, postée le 09-10-2014 à 19:45:57 (S | E)
Not bad !
Il y a encore quelques maladresses, mais il faut bien en garder ...
peu de fautes (je n'aime pas du tout : 'Run faster than you can' est faux si vous voulez dire 'cours le plus vite possible' ... et l'un des temps de la dernière phrase is questionable !) Good work !
Réponse: Timbuktu/Correction de hushpuppy, postée le 09-10-2014 à 23:11:51 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je ne peux pas dire plus que j'ai déjà dit. Je trouve la première partie encore mal fait et je n'ai pas pris le temps pour regarder la suivante. Garde comme ça si vous voudriez, mais ce n'est pas bien à lire, le "flow" et le "feeling" sont complètement perdus à mon avis. Vrai dommage.
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