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Correction/Espaces et échanges
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Message de celia541 posté le 31-03-2014 à 16:51:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je suis nouvelle sur le forum, (bon j'avoue, je viens parfois y faire les exercices..).
J'ai un oral au Bac concernant la notion 'espaces et échanges', et j'ai fait un texte qui est d'ailleurs le sujet d'un de nos oraux, et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à le corriger.
Je m'excuse d'avance de la longueur et des nombreuses fautes ..
.
Merci beaucoup !
(Cette partie ci-dessous en italique était donnée par le livre en modèle).
I'm going to use a few documents that deal with space and exchanges. I will use three documents : two texts and only one picture. The document are mainly about immigration to the United States.
The United States is a country of immigrants who travelled from far away to have a new and better life. Then in the U.S, they settled the land from east to west, from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean. Indeed, in the first place, America was in habited by Indians, but French Spanish and English came to settle down, and they controlled immigration. Immigrants received a lot from the New World but they also gave a lot which made the United-States a diverse and contrasted country.
Well, my first text will be " A boy's journey" wrote by Seymour Reichtzeit, and the other text will be "Dear Mom and Dad" wrote by Heibinh Nguyen. And my only picture is "The statue of Liberty" and her poem "The New Colossus "
Many migrants chose to go in America. Through the two texts, we will talk about the change of space, from Poland to America, and Vietnam to America. It's the Statue of Liberty who marks the entry to the American space, with her poem, The New Colossus who says "I lift my lamp beside the golden door". The statue is one of the symbols of the United States, it's a symbol of freedom and of a better world. This is why all immigrants arriving in America wanted to see the statue. Even today, tourists who go to America, want to see the Statue because she reminds us exchanges between countries. Moreover, today's world is still a world of exchanges with a discussed topic: the globalization.
Before the globalization, they were, indeed, many exchanges between countries, from a space to another. In the text "A boy's journey" we can see the exchange between America and her migrants from Poland. Immigrants have come with their language, culture, customs and ways of living. Here it's the story of a young Polish boy who have come in America where he started a new life; he became a famous singer, and he even sang for the President, who helped him to bring his family in America. This story shows us amazing human exchange because the president, which is a famous and known person, help an immigrant who is not even an American.
So, exchanges can be humans, geographical or sociological. All of these exchanges to a space from another, contribute to build or change a country or a human. The young Polish man, who brings his culture in America, changed America with all the other Polish. In the second text, "Dear Mom and Dad", the young Vietnamese tries to blend into the American society. The Vietnamese girl exchanges with America her culture, and America give her an education, strength and courage.
But, the exchanges and moving into a new space, can be painful. In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polish, had to pass some medical and psychological examinations on Ellis Island, where many people were sent back because they didn't match the criteria. A lot of people were disappointed to return to their country. The young boy said "Riding on a big boat across the Atlantic Ocean may sound like fun, but it wasn't". He was separated from his father, and was terrified to be alone. It seemed hard to go to America, and doctors examined a lot the immigrants, which could be traumatic for children who are separated from their parents.
On the other hand, the Vietnamese girl also experienced painful episodes. Unlike the young boy, she suffered within the continent, because it was difficult for her to live in a society which doesn't understand her language. But finally, she became a "Vietnamese American', despite her bread, her pain, and her discouragement.
In a conclusion, we can see that exchange between cultures, people or anything, can happen through many situations. Here we discussed the case of immigrants who wanted a better life in America. But for this, some of them have suffered. What is beautiful with the exchanges and moving on from a space to another, is to create something new, importing culture, traditions, or receiving an education and a chance to do something better. The United States, is a great example of the exchanges, because it's a country build with so many cultures. The change of space leads to a lot of exchanges that can be positive for everyone. Today, America gives to the rest of the world; the culture of the entire America spreads in the whole world; like jeans,bowling, scrabble, or a very famous company: coca-cola. "
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Modifié par lucile83 le 31-03-2014 19:00
Message de celia541 posté le 31-03-2014 à 16:51:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je suis nouvelle sur le forum, (bon j'avoue, je viens parfois y faire les exercices..).
J'ai un oral au Bac concernant la notion 'espaces et échanges', et j'ai fait un texte qui est d'ailleurs le sujet d'un de nos oraux, et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à le corriger.
Je m'excuse d'avance de la longueur et des nombreuses fautes ..
. Merci beaucoup !
(Cette partie ci-dessous en italique était donnée par le livre en modèle).
I'm going to use a few documents that deal with space and exchanges. I will use three documents : two texts and only one picture. The document are mainly about immigration to the United States.
The United States is a country of immigrants who travelled from far away to have a new and better life. Then in the U.S, they settled the land from east to west, from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean. Indeed, in the first place, America was in habited by Indians, but French Spanish and English came to settle down, and they controlled immigration. Immigrants received a lot from the New World but they also gave a lot which made the United-States a diverse and contrasted country.
Well, my first text will be " A boy's journey" wrote by Seymour Reichtzeit, and the other text will be "Dear Mom and Dad" wrote by Heibinh Nguyen. And my only picture is "The statue of Liberty" and her poem "The New Colossus "
Many migrants chose to go in America. Through the two texts, we will talk about the change of space, from Poland to America, and Vietnam to America. It's the Statue of Liberty who marks the entry to the American space, with her poem, The New Colossus who says "I lift my lamp beside the golden door". The statue is one of the symbols of the United States, it's a symbol of freedom and of a better world. This is why all immigrants arriving in America wanted to see the statue. Even today, tourists who go to America, want to see the Statue because she reminds us exchanges between countries. Moreover, today's world is still a world of exchanges with a discussed topic: the globalization.
Before the globalization, they were, indeed, many exchanges between countries, from a space to another. In the text "A boy's journey" we can see the exchange between America and her migrants from Poland. Immigrants have come with their language, culture, customs and ways of living. Here it's the story of a young Polish boy who have come in America where he started a new life; he became a famous singer, and he even sang for the President, who helped him to bring his family in America. This story shows us amazing human exchange because the president, which is a famous and known person, help an immigrant who is not even an American.
So, exchanges can be humans, geographical or sociological. All of these exchanges to a space from another, contribute to build or change a country or a human. The young Polish man, who brings his culture in America, changed America with all the other Polish. In the second text, "Dear Mom and Dad", the young Vietnamese tries to blend into the American society. The Vietnamese girl exchanges with America her culture, and America give her an education, strength and courage.
But, the exchanges and moving into a new space, can be painful. In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polish, had to pass some medical and psychological examinations on Ellis Island, where many people were sent back because they didn't match the criteria. A lot of people were disappointed to return to their country. The young boy said "Riding on a big boat across the Atlantic Ocean may sound like fun, but it wasn't". He was separated from his father, and was terrified to be alone. It seemed hard to go to America, and doctors examined a lot the immigrants, which could be traumatic for children who are separated from their parents.
On the other hand, the Vietnamese girl also experienced painful episodes. Unlike the young boy, she suffered within the continent, because it was difficult for her to live in a society which doesn't understand her language. But finally, she became a "Vietnamese American', despite her bread, her pain, and her discouragement.
In a conclusion, we can see that exchange between cultures, people or anything, can happen through many situations. Here we discussed the case of immigrants who wanted a better life in America. But for this, some of them have suffered. What is beautiful with the exchanges and moving on from a space to another, is to create something new, importing culture, traditions, or receiving an education and a chance to do something better. The United States, is a great example of the exchanges, because it's a country build with so many cultures. The change of space leads to a lot of exchanges that can be positive for everyone. Today, America gives to the rest of the world; the culture of the entire America spreads in the whole world; like jeans,bowling, scrabble, or a very famous company: coca-cola. "
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-03-2014 19:00
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de lucile83, postée le 01-04-2014 à 15:34:05 (S | E)
Hello,
Les erreurs sont en bleu. Trop peu de temps pour le reste du texte.
Well, my first text will be " A boy's journey" wrote by Seymour Reichtzeit, and the other text will be "Dear Mom and Dad" wrote by Heibinh Nguyen. And my only picture is "The statue of Liberty" and her poem "The New Colossus "
Many migrants chose to go in America. Through the two texts, we will talk about the change of space, from Poland to America, and Vietnam to America. It's the Statue of Liberty who marks the entry to the American space, with her poem, The New Colossus who says "I lift my lamp beside the golden door". The statue is one of the symbols of the United States, it's a symbol of freedom and of a better world. This is why all immigrants arriving in America wanted to see the statue. Even today, tourists who go to America, want to see the Statue because she reminds us exchanges between countries. Moreover, today's world is still a world of exchanges with a discussed topic: the globalization.
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de celia541, postée le 01-04-2014 à 15:45:46 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Merci
. J'ai essayé de corriger en bleu. Well, my first text will be " A boy's journey" written by Seymour Reichtzeit, and the other text will be "Dear Mom and Dad" written by Heibinh Nguyen. And my only picture is "The statue of Liberty" and its poem "The New Colossus "
Many migrants chose to go to America. Through the two texts, we will talk about the change of space, from Poland to America, and Vietnam to America. The Statue of Liberty marks the entry into the American space, with its poem, The New Colossus which says "I lift my lamp beside the golden door". The statue is one of the symbols of the United States, it's a symbol of freedom and of a better world. This is why all immigrants arriving in America wanted to see the statue. Even today, tourists who go to America, want to see the Statue because it reminds us exchanges between countries. Moreover, today's world is still a world of exchanges with a discussed topic: the globalization.
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de bluestar, postée le 01-04-2014 à 16:35:01 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Before
So, exchanges can be humans, geographical or sociological. All of these exchanges to a space from another, contribute to build or change a country or a human. The young Polish man, who brings his culture in America, changed (temps?) America with all the other Polish. In the second text, "Dear Mom and Dad", the young Vietnamese tries to blend into
But, the exchanges and moving into a new space, can be painful. In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polish boy, had to pass some medical and psychological examinations on Ellis Island, where many people were sent back because they didn't match the criteria. A lot of people were disappointed to return to their country. The young boy said "Riding on a big boat across the Atlantic Ocean may sound like fun, but it wasn't". He was separated from his father, and was terrified to be alone. It seemed hard to go to America, and doctors examined a lot the immigrants (ordre des mots), which could be traumatic for children who are separated from their parents.
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de celia541, postée le 01-04-2014 à 16:50:46 (S | E)
Hi,
En bleu ce que j'ai essayé de changer.
Before globalization, they were, indeed, many exchanges between countries, from a space to another. In the text "A boy's journey" we can see the exchange between America and her immigrants from Poland. Immigrants have come with their language, culture, customs and ways of living. Here it's the story of a young Polish boy who had come to America where he started a new life; he became a famous singer, and he even sang for the President, who helped him to bring his family to America. This story shows us amazing human exchange because the President, who is a famous and known person, helps an immigrant who is not even an American.
So, exchanges can be humans, geographical or sociological. All of these exchanges to a space from another, contribute to build or change a country or a human. The young Polish man, who brings his culture to America, have changed
America with all the other Polish. In the second text, "Dear Mom and Dad", the young Vietnamese tries to blend into the American society. The Vietnamese girl exchanges her culture with America , and America give her an education, strength and courage.But, the exchanges and moving into a new space, can be painful. In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polish, had to pass some medical and psychological examinations on Ellis Island, where many people were sent back because they didn't match the criteria. A lot of people were disappointed to return to their country. The young boy said "Riding on a big boat across the Atlantic Ocean may sound like fun, but it wasn't". He was separated from his father, and was terrified to be alone. It seemed hard to go to America, and doctors examined the immigrants a lot
, which could be traumatic for children who are separated from their parents. Thank you for your help!
Juste je me demais, est-ce qu'on devrait pas accorder : The Vietnamese girl exchanges her culture with America , and America gives (là ?) her an education, strength and courage.
Merci.
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de bluestar, postée le 01-04-2014 à 18:22:53 (S | E)
Hello..
they were, indeed, many exchanges; pas "they", il faut "the--".
The young Polish man, who brings his culture to America, have changed - pas "have". Le sujet "the young Polish man" est singulier.
In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polish (quoi?)....il faut le nom ici.
America gives her an education - Ok
Examined the immigrants a lot - ok
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de celia541, postée le 01-04-2014 à 18:31:49 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Ah oui pardon :
There were indeed, many exchanges.
The young Polish man, who brings his culture to America, had changed (..).
In our first text, "A boy's journey", the young Polishman
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de bluestar, postée le 01-04-2014 à 18:47:20 (S | E)
So, exchanges can be humans, geographical or sociological. All of these exchanges to a space from another, contribute to build or change a country or a human("person" serait mieux que "human" ici) . The young Polish man, who brings his culture to America,
"Pole" est plus fréquente que "Polishman".
Réponse: Correction/Espaces et échanges de celia541, postée le 01-04-2014 à 18:52:54 (S | E)
D'accord, c'est corrigé, merci
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