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Devoir / super-héros
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Message de toot0 posté le 24-02-2014 à 23:03:25 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody !
J'ai un devoir d'anglais, et je dois créer mon propre super-héros. Voici mon devoir, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ? Cela me rendra vraiment un énorme service ;)
d'avance 
"My favorite superhero, before has become a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on the Earth, he was a normal teenager; he went to the high school every day as all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything has changed: he has found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and he was stricken by a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he can fly, he can see trough wall like superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes have been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names. His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is composed by a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by a yellow D&G’s jean and by green Marc Jacob’s baskets. His symbol is the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worse superhero’s costume of the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “The habit does not make the monk”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all the men. Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people in their everyday life problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human, he is Harry Johnson. And as all the humans, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic, yeah, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit narcissistic. And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some gaffes, and, furthermore, his costume his hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2014 08:48
Message de toot0 posté le 24-02-2014 à 23:03:25 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody !
J'ai un devoir d'anglais, et je dois créer mon propre super-héros. Voici mon devoir, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ? Cela me rendra vraiment un énorme service ;)
d'avance "My favorite superhero, before has become a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on the Earth, he was a normal teenager; he went to the high school every day as all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything has changed: he has found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and he was stricken by a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he can fly, he can see trough wall like superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes have been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names. His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is composed by a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by a yellow D&G’s jean and by green Marc Jacob’s baskets. His symbol is the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worse superhero’s costume of the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “The habit does not make the monk”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all the men. Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people in their everyday life problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human, he is Harry Johnson. And as all the humans, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic, yeah, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit narcissistic. And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some gaffes, and, furthermore, his costume his hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2014 08:48
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de here4u, postée le 25-02-2014 à 09:52:11 (S | E)
Hello !
Bleu = faute (attention aux temps) ou maladresses de constructions, ordre des mots
Vert = suggestions ou encouragement à chercher encore un peu ...
The beginning was not bad (though a little 'ordinary'). Then, it's becoming more interesting, more original, with better structures. The whole thing is not bad at all !
"My favorite superhero,
before has become a man(sujet ?revoir la consruction de la phrase ...) with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on (the) Earth, (he was)(attention à tous ces verbes "être") a normal teenager; he went to the(which one ? is it determined?) high school every day as all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything has changed: he has found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and he Harry was stricken by(je préfèrerais with) a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. (And) When he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he can fly, he can see trough walls like superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes have been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names. His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is composed by a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by a yellow D&G’s jeanS and by green Marc Jacob’s baskets. His symbol is ("boff" ... on attend mieux)the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worse superhero’s costume of the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “The habit(= une habitude )=> chercher l'idiome! does not make the monk”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all the men(on attend mieux.) Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people in their everyday life(daily ?) problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human(or a human being), he is Harry Johnson. And as all the humans, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic, yeah, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit narcissisticfind a synonym to avoid the repitition. And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some gaffes(blunders?), and, furthermore, his costume his hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de toot0, postée le 25-02-2014 à 20:45:14 (S | E)
Hello
!!! Tout d'abord, je tiens à vous remercier d'avoir pris de votre précieux temps pour m'apporter une généreuse aide. J'ai modifié certaines choses, mais pour d'autres je n'ai pas trop compris ce que je devais faire... Pouvez-vous m'éclairer s'il-vous-plaît ? Pour tout et bonne soirée !!!""My favorite superhero, before have become a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on and Earth, and was a normal teenager; he went to high school every day, like all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything has changed: he has found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and Harry was stricken with a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he cans fly, he cans see trough walls like superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes has been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names.
His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is made of a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by an yellow D&G’s jeans and by green Marc Jacob’s sneakers. He also has a symbol, as all the superheros : it’s the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worst superhero’s costume in the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “you can't judge a book by its cover”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all. Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people on their daily problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human being, he is Harry Johnson. And as all the humans being, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic for sure, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit vanity. And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some blunders, and, furthermore, his costume his hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de here4u, postée le 26-02-2014 à 11:38:37 (S | E)
Hello !
Don't worry, please ! I'm somewhat overbooked
just now, but will look at your second draft asap ! In the meantime, have a good holiday !
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Modifié par here4u le 26-02-2014 11:39
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de here4u, postée le 26-02-2014 à 15:04:48 (S | E)
Hi !
* 'before have become' Chercher ce qui se passe derrière les prépositions ...
puis pour un plus faire le test 103386 !
* - 'on and Earth,' = a slip of the keyboard ? !
* 'But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything has changed: he has found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and Harry was stricken with a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately.'
'one day' = marqueur de temps ... réfléchir si l'action se continue où si elle est révolue => en tirer les conséquences pour l'emploi des temps ...De plus, c'est une narration => temps de la narration ?
* 'he cans fly, he cans see ...." Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! I'm suffering !
You CAN'T DO THAT !
Réfléchir à ce qu'est 'can' et à ce que cela entraîne ... PUIS, réfléchir au temps .... Je suis "achevée"
!!!You CAN'T do that really ! Il va me falloir un peu de temps pour me remettre ...
(to be continued ...)
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de toot0, postée le 26-02-2014 à 22:58:40 (S | E)
Hello
Désolée de prendre de votre temps encore une fois, mais je me demandais si mes corrections étaient bonnes ou pas ? ( j'ai modifié ce que vous m'avez demandé mais je ne pense pas que cela soit bon...) beaucoup !!!! 
Et bonnes vacances à vous aussi surtout "My favorite superhero, before becoming a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on Earth, and was a normal teenager; he went to high school every day, like all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything changed: he found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and Harry was stricken with a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he could fly, he could see trough walls like superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes has been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names.
His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is made of a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by an yellow D&G’s jeans and by green Marc Jacob’s sneakers. He also has a symbol, as all the superheros : it’s the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worst superhero’s costume in the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “you can't judge a book by its cover”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all. Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people on their daily problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human being, he is Harry Johnson. And as all the humans being, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic for sure, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit vanity. And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some blunders, and, furthermore, his costume his hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
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Modifié par toot0 le 01-03-2014 19:53
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de here4u, postée le 01-03-2014 à 22:19:25 (S | E)
"My favorite superhero, before becoming a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on Earth, and was a normal teenager; he went to high school every day, like all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything changed: he found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and Harry was stricken with a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he could fly, he could see through walls like sSuperman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes had
His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, is made(essayer avec 'consist') of a pink Gucci’s top, by a blue Prada’s cape, by
I really feel as if I had been correcting this text over, and over again !
Just tell me ! What sort of studies give you 2 translations in just a few days ?
revoir as/like
Bon courage !
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de toot0, postée le 01-03-2014 à 23:38:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir, je l'ai modifié à nouveau. Reste-t-il des fautes s'il-vous-plaît ?
En vous remerciant pour votre précieuse aide,
toot0.
"My favorite superhero, before becoming a man with extraordinary powers, was known as Harry Johnson. He was born on Earth, and was a normal teenager; he went to high school every day, like all the teenagers of his age. He had a banal way of life. But one day, during a stroll through the woods, everything changed: he found a hole in the ground emitting a loud strange noise. He entered the hole and discovered a large glowing blue crystalline object. The object soon glowed red and Harry was stricken with a horrible pain, and he collapsed immediately. And when he woke up, he wasn’t Harry Johnson at all, no, he was SWAGMAN. Before his transformation, he was quite small, brown-haired, his eyes were brown too he was really skinny, and his clothes were very ordinary. He became tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and muscular. He won many superpowers as well: he could fly, he could see through walls like Superman, and he became also superstrong and superquick. Plus, his ordinary clothes had been replaced by expensive clothes of luxurious brand names.
His superhero’s costume, which helps make him recognizable to everyone, consists in a pink Gucci’s top, a blue Prada’s cape, an yellow D&G’s jeans and in green Marc Jacob’s sneakers. He also has a symbol, like all the superheroes : it’s the word “swag”, written in stylized letters, on his chest. Personally, I think it’s the worst superhero’s costume in the world, but everyone seems to think that it’s really cool and beautiful… However, as we say usually, “you can't judge a book by its cover”, and it’s true, even if SWAGMAN’s costume is totally ridiculous, I have to admit that nowadays, you can’t find another man like him on the whole planet. He is simply exceptional. He is the fastest, strongest, funniest, bravest, and the most handsome man of all. Everybody likes him, even me, because he helps people in their daily problems with his amazing superpowers, and he is also the only superhero who doesn’t have a nemesis or even any opponent, because his behavior with the others is just perfect and nobody can be against a respectful and respectable man like him. I will not lie to you, he is a superhero, maybe he is the best superhero, but before being a superhero, he is a human being, he is Harry Johnson. And like all the human beings, he has some bad qualities: he is incredibly narcissistic for sure, necessarily, when you call yourself “SWAGMAN”, you must be a little bit vain . And he isn’t really serious, sometimes he makes some blunders, and, furthermore, his costume is hideous. But he can be forgiven, don’t you think ?"
Réponse: Devoir / super-héros de here4u, postée le 02-03-2014 à 10:29:14 (S | E)
Sorry toto0,
but as a teacher, I can't go further ...I already know your text almost by heart, and soon, you'll ask me for copyrights !
More seriously, it's not about 'my precious time', but it would be deceiving (=Faux Ami) the colleague who will mark this ! This very good essay MUST REMAIN yours, and not become mine, and I think I've helped enough !
(understatement for 'too much'!)I'd only go on if you were addressing me as a professional translator to go for publishing, but you're not there yet, are you ?
Go on with the good work ! (but don't forget to do your own research before asking for extensive corrections !)
Good luck !
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