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Children's story/correction
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Message de aragorn posté le 04-07-2013 à 23:55:36 (S | E | F)
Hello!
I have to write a children's story for my English class and I would be most grateful if you could help me to correct any mistake and eventually suggest improvements. I unfortunately cannot join the illustrations but I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless!
Different
In a circus, lived a very special zebra. He wasn't like the other zebras. Instead of black and white stripes, he wore blue, yellow and red ones.
The other nasty zebras always made fun of him : "Hey, you! Have you fallen in a paint container?"
And they laughed, laughed and laughed. The little colourful zebra was miserable.
The circus master was not happy because the three-coloured zebra was so clumsy that he systematically ruined the show.
He couldn't jump,
he couldn't rear up,
he couldn't even run in circles without stumbling.
One day, after the show, the circus master said, furious :
"You cannot do anything properly. You are stupid and useless. Your place is not here. Go away!"
Desperate, the little zebra took refuge in a dark corner. And, thinking about the cruel words of the circus master, he began to cry.
A friendly donkey, who was passing that way, saw the weeping zebra.
"What makes you so sad, zebra?", he asked.
And the zebra answered : "I am ugly, stupid and useless. And nobody likes me."
The donkey tried to comfort the lonely zebra :
"I do not think that you are stupid. Maybe you aren't good at what they ask you to do, but there is probably something that you could do brilliantly.
Look at me. My legs are too short to run as fast as the horses and I don't have their elegance. I cannot do a parade on the ring. But I can make people happy by doing tricks with the clown."
"But what could I do?", asked the zebra. "I am so clumsy that everything will fail!"
"Let's see...
Could you... play the guitar?"
But the zebra couldn't pinch the strings with his hooves.
"Could you... ride a bicycle?"
But the zebra couldn't find the balance.
"Could you... paint?"
And the zebra could!
They showed the painting to the circus master, and a big smile appeared on his face.
"That's excellent!", he exclaim.
Since this day, the zebra had something to be proud of.
And so it was that the zebra that was different, found his place among the others.
People went from all over the world to see the painter and his colourful stripes.
He gained the respect of his pairs and had many friends.
But his best friend was, without any doubt, the donkey.
The end
Thank you for reading!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-07-2013 07:30
Message de aragorn posté le 04-07-2013 à 23:55:36 (S | E | F)
Hello!
I have to write a children's story for my English class and I would be most grateful if you could help me to correct any mistake and eventually suggest improvements. I unfortunately cannot join the illustrations but I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless!
Different
In a circus, lived a very special zebra. He wasn't like the other zebras. Instead of black and white stripes, he wore blue, yellow and red ones.
The other nasty zebras always made fun of him : "Hey, you! Have you fallen in a paint container?"
And they laughed, laughed and laughed. The little colourful zebra was miserable.
The circus master was not happy because the three-coloured zebra was so clumsy that he systematically ruined the show.
He couldn't jump,
he couldn't rear up,
he couldn't even run in circles without stumbling.
One day, after the show, the circus master said, furious :
"You cannot do anything properly. You are stupid and useless. Your place is not here. Go away!"
Desperate, the little zebra took refuge in a dark corner. And, thinking about the cruel words of the circus master, he began to cry.
A friendly donkey, who was passing that way, saw the weeping zebra.
"What makes you so sad, zebra?", he asked.
And the zebra answered : "I am ugly, stupid and useless. And nobody likes me."
The donkey tried to comfort the lonely zebra :
"I do not think that you are stupid. Maybe you aren't good at what they ask you to do, but there is probably something that you could do brilliantly.
Look at me. My legs are too short to run as fast as the horses and I don't have their elegance. I cannot do a parade on the ring. But I can make people happy by doing tricks with the clown."
"But what could I do?", asked the zebra. "I am so clumsy that everything will fail!"
"Let's see...
Could you... play the guitar?"
But the zebra couldn't pinch the strings with his hooves.
"Could you... ride a bicycle?"
But the zebra couldn't find the balance.
"Could you... paint?"
And the zebra could!
They showed the painting to the circus master, and a big smile appeared on his face.
"That's excellent!", he exclaim.
Since this day, the zebra had something to be proud of.
And so it was that the zebra that was different, found his place among the others.
People went from all over the world to see the painter and his colourful stripes.
He gained the respect of his pairs and had many friends.
But his best friend was, without any doubt, the donkey.
The end
Thank you for reading!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-07-2013 07:30
Réponse: Children's story/correction de notrepere, postée le 05-07-2013 à 01:45:28 (S | E)
HelloYour story is very good. There are only a few mistakes.
One day, after the show, the circus master said, furious :
"You cannot do anything properly. You are stupid and useless.
Look at me. My legs are too short to run as fast as the horses and I don't have their elegance. I cannot do a parade in the ring. But I can make people happy by doing tricks with the clown."
"But what could I do?", asked the zebra. "I am so clumsy that everything will fail!"
"Let's see...
Could you... play the guitar?"
But the zebra couldn't pinch the strings with his hooves.
"Could you... ride a bicycle?"
But the zebra couldn't find its balance.
"Could you... paint?"
That's it! The Zebra could paint!
They showed the painting to the circus master, and a big smile appeared on his face.
"That's excellent!", he exclaimed.
Since that day, the zebra had something to be proud of.
And so it was that the zebra that was different, found his place among the others.
People
He gained the respect of his
But his best friend was, without any doubt, the donkey.
-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 05-07-2013 01:45
Réponse: Children's story/correction de aragorn, postée le 05-07-2013 à 02:03:39 (S | E)
Thanks a lot!
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