Correction /paragraphe 2

Correction /paragraphe 2
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Correction /paragraphe 2
Message de popikoju posté le 28-04-2013 à 15:10:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

j'ai rédigé un résumé de livre, étant donné qu'il est assez long, je vais faire plusieurs sujets avec chacun un paragraphe.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide!

Lucy decided to go out when the weather was better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted, fortunately here, there was George, and he carried her. Lucy didn’t want the other people of the pension knew this history; it was a secret between us.
The next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons and Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. But before to go out, Charlotte and Lucy made a walk in the city, and they crossed Mrs. Lavish who said she took the murder of yesterday for the book she were writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter of her family where it was mentioned that the Vyse’s were in Rome, Lucy didn’t knows them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to go here, but for the moment they went to the walk with George Emerson and Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe, during this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett had surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back at the pension, she spoke with Lucy and decided to go to Rome the next day at the morning.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2013 15:50

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 30-04-2013 à 15:39:44 (S | E)
Bonjour,
J'aborderai la correction du paragrahe 2 ici présent quand Popikoju aura fait les dernières modifications du paragraphe 1 que j'ai faites hier . On s'y perd dans tous les différents moceaux de textes. Je viens de trouver le deuxième paragraphe dans les sujets mis en réserve.

A bientôt
taiji43

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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2013 15:52

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de popikoju, postée le 30-04-2013 à 15:52:53 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai fait quelques corrections avec l'aide d'un ami, dites moi ce que vous en pensez s'il vous plaît!

Lucy had decided to go out as soon as the weather got better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted, fortunately here, there was George, and he carried her. Lucy didn’t want the other people of the pension to know about this history; it was a secret between us.

On the next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons, Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. But before going out, Charlotte and Lucy had a walk in the city, then they crossed Mrs. Lavish who said she was keeping the murder of the day before for the book she was writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family mentioning that the Vyse’s were in Rome, Lucy didn’t know them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to go there, but for the moment they went to the walk with George Emerson and Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe. During this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back to the pension, she talked with Lucy and decided to go to Rome the next day at the morning.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2013 15:54

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 01-05-2013 à 19:02:03 (S | E)
J'attends un e-mail de lucile83. Dès sa réponse, je me mettrai sur votre paragraphe.
A bientôt, je l'espère.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-05-2013 21:22
Message envoyé à 19h03

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de gnanga, postée le 02-05-2013 à 13:23:32 (S | E)
Hello,
I have note some falses in your translation although that I am still a student, i would try to correct it expecting the answers of others persons:

Lucy decided to go out when the weather was better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted (loose consciousness), fortunately here, there was George, and he carried her. Lucy didn’t want the other people of the pension knew abouther history; it was a secret between us.
The next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons and Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. But before to go out, Charlotte and Lucy went for a walk in the city, and they crossed Mrs. Lavish who said she took the murder of yesterday for the book she were writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family where it was mentioned that the Vyse’s were in Rome, Lucy didn’t knows them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to go here, but for the moment they were walking with George Emerson and Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe, during this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett ~~had~~ surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back at the pension, she will speak with Lucy and decided to go to Rome the next day at the morning.

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 02-05-2013 à 15:55:11 (S | E)
En bleu , pour les fautes en vert pour des explications

Lucy had decided to go out as soon as the weather got(serait) better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted. Fortunately(here) , there, was George, and he carried her. Lucy didn't want the other people of the pension to know about this history;history c'est pour parler de l'histoire de France It was(serait) a secret between us.

On the next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons, Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish.( But)(nevertheless (néanmoins)Nevertheless before going out, Charlotte and Lucy who were walking in the city.Then, they came accros or they met( crossed) Mrs. Lavish who said she was keeping(elle avaitgardé???? the murder of the day ????before for the book she was writing ?????? (je ne comprends pas ce que vous voulez dire IL faudrait m'écrire la phrase en français puis la traduire et la corriger si c'est nécessaire). Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family mentioning that the Vyse's were in Rome. Lucy didn't know them, but Charlotte said, they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to go there, but for the moment they were walking with George Emerson and Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe. During this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back to the pension, she talked with Lucy and decided to go to Rome the next day at the morning.je dirais to rome in the next morning

a suivre , courage à tous, et merci à Lucile 83 qui doit suivre nos propositions avec lassitude

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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-05-2013 17:24
On n'y voit rien avec les couleurs vertes

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 02-05-2013 à 16:01:36 (S | E)
le paragraphe 1 semble assez correct maintenant . Notrepere écrit the Emerson's. je pense qu'il a raison donc corriger sur le paragraphe 1.
au revoir
taiji43

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de popikoju, postée le 02-05-2013 à 16:55:13 (S | E)
Bonjour,
désolé de mettre un peu plus de temps à répondre, je prépare mon départ à l'étranger pour plusieurs mois.
Merci de votre aide !

Lucy had decided to go out as soon as the weather got better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted, but fortunately, George was here, and he took care of her. Lucy did not want the other people of the pension know about this story; it was a secret between them.
On the next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons, Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. Nevertheless before going out, Charlotte and Lucy had a walk in the city where they bumped into Mrs. Lavish who said she wanted to put the story of the murder of the day before in the book she was writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family mentioning that the Vyse’s were in Rome, Lucy did not know them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to see them, but for the moment they were walking with George Emerson, Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe. During this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back to the pension, she talked with Lucy and decided to go to Rome in the next morning.

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 03-05-2013 à 18:01:57 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Lucy had decided to go out as soon as the weather
1. got better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted, but fortunately, George was 2.here, and he took care of her. Lucy did not want the other people of the pension3 know about this story; it was a secret between them.
On the next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons, Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. Nevertheless, before going out, Charlotte and Lucy had a walk in the city where they5 bumped into Mrs. Lavish who said she wanted to put the story of the murder6 of the day before in the book she was writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family mentioning that the Vyse's were in Rome, Lucy did not know them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to see them, but for the moment they were walking with George Emerson, Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe. During this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back to the pension, she talked with Lucy and decided to go to Rome in the next morning.

1. Lucy had decided on continue le prétérit donc Lucy decided

1.Got better est correct : après when le verbe au conditionnel se traduit par un prétérit

2. george was here . je mettrais was there ou Geoge was on the spot (endroit)

3 Lucy did not want the other people of the pension to know this story ( voir dans une grammaire le verbe to want suivi d'une subordonnée): Lucy ne voulait pas que les gens de la pension sache cette histoire

4.Charlotte and lucy avait été fairet une promenade dans la ville. Si c'est ce que bous voulez dire ,je dirais Charlotte and Lucy had gone for a w alk in the city ????

5.to bump into , je crois est un terme très familier voire argotique, je dirais simplement met ou came across with (rencontrer)

6.She wanted to put the murder of the day before in the book she was writing

j'écrirais

She wanted to bwrite the story of the crime in her book that she was writing , (en anglais on ne sépare pas le verbe et son complémént d'objetdirect)

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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-05-2013 21:07
Merci de vous conformer à la mise en forme standard.

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de popikoju, postée le 03-05-2013 à 20:22:01 (S | E)
Lucy decided to go out as soon as the weather got better; she went to the piazza Signora where she was witness of a murder. She fainted, but fortunately, George was there, and he took care of her. Lucy did not want the other people of the pension to know this story; it was a secret between them.
On the next day, Mr. Beebe proposed an excursion at Fiesole with the Emersons, Mrs. Bartlett and Mrs. Lavish. Nevertheless before going out, Charlotte and Lucy had gone for a walk in the city where they came across with Mrs. Lavish who said she wanted to write the story of the murder of the day before in her book that she was writing. Finally, they went to the post office where Lucy received a letter from her family mentioning that the Vyse’s were in Rome, Lucy did not know them but Charlotte said they were clever and nice. Lucy wanted to see them, but for the moment they were walking with George Emerson, Miss Lavish, Mr. Eager and Mr. Beebe. During this excursion, Lucy kissed George and Mrs. Bartlett surprised them. Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty, and when they came back to the pension, she talked with Lucy and decided to go to Rome in the next morning.

Comme cela je pense que c'est bon ?

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 04-05-2013 à 17:27:12 (S | E)
Bonjour Lucile 83,
je vais me contenter de la forme standard. J'avais apprécié la forme avancée!

Popikoju,
le texte semble correct mais il faudrait qu'un membre avancé le regarde
Je ne comprends toujours pas ce que veut dire : Charlotte seemed to have missed her duty????Si tu pouvaits m'éclairer sur la signification de cette phrase?
Bonne jounée

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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-05-2013 19:15

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de popikoju, postée le 04-05-2013 à 18:42:50 (S | E)
Elle a l'impression/ elle se rend compte qu'elle a échoué dans sa tâche. (elle est censée surveiller et s'occuper de Lucy. Lorsqu'elle les surprend entrain de s'embrasser, elle se sent fautive. Car si elle avait bien fait son travail, cela ne serait pas arrivé)
Si vous avez d'autres passages que vous ne comprenez pas, notamment dans le paragraphe 3. Dites-le moi
A bientôt !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-05-2013 19:16

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 05-05-2013 à 16:52:57 (S | E)
Merci pour vos explications faisant partie du paragraphe deux. je n'avais jamais lu : correction commentaire que je viens de découvrir dans les numéros du bas de la page . Je ne sais pas en quoi consiste le paragraphe trois. Il faudrait que vous recopiez le texte à la suite de ce paragraphe deux avec le début de la phrase et le dernier mot de ce paragraphe trois ou que vous m'indiquiez où il se trouve dans la liste de textes proposés par les autres membres avec le titre précis
A bientôt.
Je vais imprimer et lire attentivement comment on se sert du forum,, il est grand temps.

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de lucile83, postée le 05-05-2013 à 19:21:43 (S | E)
Hello taiji43,

Vous pouvez suivre les topics ici:
Lien internet

ou individuellement en cliquant sur le pseudo du membre et en cherchant 'les sujets créés par xxx sur le forum'
Lien internet

Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 2 de taiji43, postée le 06-05-2013 à 11:51:27 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai retrouvé votre paragraphe trois dans messages de popikoju. Je vais le regarder dès que possible.Cet après-midi j'espère!
Merci à lucile qui m'a aidée à retrouver le paragraphe trois.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-05-2013 12:19

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