>
Correction/investigation
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection/investigation
Message de janesmith posté le 17-03-2013 à 16:51:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voilà j'ai écrit le passage d'un texte, pourriez-vous le corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance
)
It was noon when the two detectives walked to the house of the parents of the victime.It was Jackson who opened the case because he had found a new evidence .meanwhile , was the most clever, thought to go first parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez. Over this case, as they scored were both father.When they came near the street of the house, they immediately recognized the house, she remained like 8 years, they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.
Then, Jackson wanted to sound but a big dog, barking, Martin was sidelined because he was afraid of dogs, it made him smile Jackson .When Martin struck a very deep voice called out Jacson :
"Hello, who are you? The Voice was surprised, it was an unusual time
Hello, we are two detective exclaimed Jackson talking loudly because of the barking.
Two? questioned the man
Yes, I am, Martin said, we would like to talk to the parents of liza , if possible, offered Martin
I am the father of Liza , rest his soul, I come to open affirmed the father of the victim with a voice almost sobbing
Immediately they heard a door slam and the same voice shouted:
Snow, stop screaming, ordered the man
That which relieved Martin and let out a high-pitched laugh Jackson , but they were both very serious as two students to teacher.
Mr Smith opened the gate, bowed to the two detectives, he seemed to have eyes shone, the two detectives had no time to react as his wife out of the house and shouted to rush to
What is happening?, You could tell it came from table
It is about Uh, man stammered
Liza?!, Cut the woman sobbing
Nobody spoke, the couple shed a tear, the two detectives were very sad.
The man waved his hand to enter the room after this "surprise", the parents recognized the two former dectectives.the mother disappeared, makeup can be....
There was a silence, during which Jackson spoke with a coffee served by the butler.
You've recognized after eight years, I know it may be painful, after all these years, especially for your grief .... Jackson declared
Yes! nodded father, mother sniffed
But I know from experience that to relieve the grief you must know the cause of the death of his own daughter?! he continued
You not learn some things, it is you who investigate, right? Asked the father annoyed
Calm down, darling! cally ordered his wife..
Please continue, everything about my daughter interrested! called out Mrs. Smith
The plight of this woman accosted detectives. The couple did not let go of the picture frame look that represented the victim.
It could have been our daughter's daughter of anyone ….explained Jackson
Save yourself your speech, said the angry father, his wife does not contradict him
Otherwise, Jackson regretted not having this discussion at the police station, it would have been easier, perhaps, he thought he.We would like to reopen the case proposed Jackson
Why? the woman asked
We may be evidence, declared Jackson
It is possible ...?! murmured parents crying
Yes, but you should be okay ... explained one of the detectives
You have, replied the man in shock
We will ask you a series of questions, ordered Martin
We will resume the investigation from the beginning, Martin continued
We are ready! they shouted to fight against the tears
Martin and Jackson looked, left a list of questions also put a Jackson envelope in his pocket very quickly Therefore Martin put his dictaphone. Stone put the old couple who was in front, was a mixture of excitement, grief, pain and little hatred. Immediately, Jackson and Martin thought to start slowly, with questions "basic" as there were eight years.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-03-2013 22:07
Message de janesmith posté le 17-03-2013 à 16:51:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voilà j'ai écrit le passage d'un texte, pourriez-vous le corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance
)It was noon when the two detectives walked to the house of the parents of the victime.It was Jackson who opened the case because he had found a new evidence .meanwhile , was the most clever, thought to go first parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez. Over this case, as they scored were both father.When they came near the street of the house, they immediately recognized the house, she remained like 8 years, they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.
Then, Jackson wanted to sound but a big dog, barking, Martin was sidelined because he was afraid of dogs, it made him smile Jackson .When Martin struck a very deep voice called out Jacson :
"Hello, who are you? The Voice was surprised, it was an unusual time
Hello, we are two detective exclaimed Jackson talking loudly because of the barking.
Two? questioned the man
Yes, I am, Martin said, we would like to talk to the parents of liza , if possible, offered Martin
I am the father of Liza , rest his soul, I come to open affirmed the father of the victim with a voice almost sobbing
Immediately they heard a door slam and the same voice shouted:
Snow, stop screaming, ordered the man
That which relieved Martin and let out a high-pitched laugh Jackson , but they were both very serious as two students to teacher.
Mr Smith opened the gate, bowed to the two detectives, he seemed to have eyes shone, the two detectives had no time to react as his wife out of the house and shouted to rush to
What is happening?, You could tell it came from table
It is about Uh, man stammered
Liza?!, Cut the woman sobbing
Nobody spoke, the couple shed a tear, the two detectives were very sad.
The man waved his hand to enter the room after this "surprise", the parents recognized the two former dectectives.the mother disappeared, makeup can be....
There was a silence, during which Jackson spoke with a coffee served by the butler.
You've recognized after eight years, I know it may be painful, after all these years, especially for your grief .... Jackson declared
Yes! nodded father, mother sniffed
But I know from experience that to relieve the grief you must know the cause of the death of his own daughter?! he continued
You not learn some things, it is you who investigate, right? Asked the father annoyed
Calm down, darling! cally ordered his wife..
Please continue, everything about my daughter interrested! called out Mrs. Smith
The plight of this woman accosted detectives. The couple did not let go of the picture frame look that represented the victim.
It could have been our daughter's daughter of anyone ….explained Jackson
Save yourself your speech, said the angry father, his wife does not contradict him
Otherwise, Jackson regretted not having this discussion at the police station, it would have been easier, perhaps, he thought he.We would like to reopen the case proposed Jackson
Why? the woman asked
We may be evidence, declared Jackson
It is possible ...?! murmured parents crying
Yes, but you should be okay ... explained one of the detectives
You have, replied the man in shock
We will ask you a series of questions, ordered Martin
We will resume the investigation from the beginning, Martin continued
We are ready! they shouted to fight against the tears
Martin and Jackson looked, left a list of questions also put a Jackson envelope in his pocket very quickly Therefore Martin put his dictaphone. Stone put the old couple who was in front, was a mixture of excitement, grief, pain and little hatred. Immediately, Jackson and Martin thought to start slowly, with questions "basic" as there were eight years.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-03-2013 22:07
Réponse: Correction/investigation de gerondif, postée le 17-03-2013 à 22:36:26 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
texte amusant à lire à cause de l'ordre des mots qui donne le texte français par transparence, des nombreuses erreurs de type traducteur automatique ou alors choix au pif du mot du dictionnaire:
exemples:
il voulut sonner à la porte:Then, Jackson wanted to sound
se maquiller peut être (sans tiret), donc: makeup can be
The plight of this woman accosted detectives. (toucher au sens de toucher terre, accoster? "aborder" un sujet ?)
plus dur: it came from table (elle sortait de table?)
Réponse: Correction/investigation de janesmith, postée le 18-03-2013 à 16:30:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,
J'ai fait du mieux que j'ai pu :/ .....
pourquoi? vous l'auriez reformulé comment, si c'était à faire ?
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2013 17:18
Réponse: Correction/investigation de lucile83, postée le 18-03-2013 à 17:20:25 (S | E)
Hello,
C'est votre travail, c'est vous qui devez le faire.
Réponse: Correction/investigation de janesmith, postée le 18-03-2013 à 19:26:46 (S | E)
Pourriez-vous m'expliquer ce que je modifie s'il vous plait?
Réponse: Correction/investigation de gerondif, postée le 18-03-2013 à 19:27:47 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
il est vrai que si je compare avec certains de mes élèves incapables d'aligner trois mots, vous avez fait un gros travail de traduction si vous y êtes allée avec un dictionnaire sans beaucoup de recul sur le choix des mots ou la justesse de la phrase.
Mais souvent, c'est compact et pas toujours compréhensible mais certaines phrases sont correctes cependant. Remanier votre texte serait très long.
Prenons le début:
It was noon when the two detectives walked to the house of the parents of the victime. cas possessif: the victim's parents.
It was Jackson who had re-opened the case (probablement qui avait ouvert le dossier) because he had found a(pas d'article devant evidence, mot collectif comme "furniture""mobilier") new evidence .
meanwhile(sans doute faux, cependant signifie ici "pourtant", pas "en même temps") , ****(manque sans doute le nom du sujet: pourtant, c'est Barnaby, le plus malin, qui pensa à aller en premier chez les parents )who was the most clever( clever est considére comme court, donc on dirait normalement the cleverest), thought to visit(plutôt of visiting) first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.
Over this case, as they scored were both father. alors là, mystère!!sur ce dossier, comme ils marquèrent étaient tous deux père? sens ????
When they came near the street of the house, they immediately recognized the house, she remained(mauvais choix pour rester semblable) like 8 years (il y a 8 ans, manque ago ou before...), they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.
Rien que sur 4 lignes, je passe pas mal de temps!
Réponse: Correction/investigation de janesmith, postée le 19-03-2013 à 17:39:56 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Donc voilà j'ai corrigé: merci de votre aide ^^
It was noon when the two detectives walked to the house of the victim's parents.
Then, it was Jackson who had re-opened the case had found new evidence .
However,Martin was the most cleverthe cleverest, thoughtplutôt of visiting first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.
Over this case, as they scored were both father.
Je veux dire que cette histoire était très important pour eux car ils étaient tout deux pères
When they came near the street of the house, they immediately recognized the house, she was the same like 8 years ago , they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-03-2013 21:12
Réponse: Correction/investigation de janesmith, postée le 20-03-2013 à 14:57:09 (S | E)
Voilà j'ai fait un gros effort pour vous éviter de perdre du temps
Pourriez-vous me le corriger It was soon when the two detectives walked to the Parker's house, they remembered this place because they couldn't find the truth, so they remembered this.Actually, Martin and Jackson, this house represent their failure moreover they left parent's victim alone with daughter's death.Therefore When they came near the street of the house it was the same like 8 years ago , they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.Jackson had re-opened the case had found new evidence .So, Martin was the most cleverest, thought of visiting first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.Then, Jackson wanted to ring but there was a big dog, ,Martin was sidelined because he was afraid of dogs, it made smile Jackson .When Martin struck a very deep voice called out Jacson :
"Hello, who are you? The Voice was surprised, it was an unusual time
Hello, we are two detective exclaimed Jackson talking loudly because of the barking.
Two? questioned the man
Yes, I am, Martin said, we would like to talk to the parents of liza , if possible, offered Martin
I am the father of Liza , rest his soul, I come to open affirmed the father of the victim with a voice almost sobbing
Immediately they heard a door slam and the same voice shouted:
Snow, stop screaming, ordered the man
That which relieved Martin and let out a high-pitched laugh Jackson , but they were both very serious as two students to teacher.
Mr Smith opened the gate, bowed to the two detectives, he seemed to have eyes shone, the two detectives had no time to react as his wife out of the house and shouted to rush to
What is happening?, You could tell it left the table
It is about Uh, man stammered
Liza?!, Cut the woman sobbing
Nobody spoke, the couple shed a tear, the two detectives were very sad.
The man waved his hand to enter the room after this "surprise", the parents recognized the two former dectectives.the mother disappeared, makeup maybe....
There was a silence, during which Jackson spoke with a coffee served by the butler.
You've recognized after eight years, I know it may be painful, after all these years, especially for your grief .... Jackson declared
Yes! nodded father, mother sniffed
But I know from experience that to relieve the grief you must know the cause of the death of his own daughter?! he continued
You not learn some things, it is you who investigate, right? Asked the father annoyed
Calm down, darling! cally ordered his wife...
Though the situation of this woman touched the detectives
The couple did not let go of the picture frame look that represented the victim.
It could have been our daughter's daughter of anyone ….explained Jackson
Save yourself your speech, said the angry father, his wife does not contradict him
Otherwise, Jackson regretted not having this discussion at the police station, it would have been easier, perhaps, he thought he.We would like to reopen the case proposed Jackson
Why? the woman asked
We may be evidence, declared Jackson
It is possible ...?! murmured parents crying
Yes, but you should be okay ... explained one of the detectives
You have, replied the man in shock
We will ask you a series of questions, ordered Martin
We will resume the investigation from the beginning, Martin continued
We are ready! they shouted to fight against the tears
Martin and Jackson looked, left a list of questions also put a Jackson envelope in his pocket very quickly Therefore Martin put his dictaphone. Stone put the old couple who was in front, was a mixture of excitement, grief, pain and little hatred. Immediately, Jackson and Martin thought to start slowly, with questions "basic" as there were eight years.
Réponse: Correction/investigation de gerondif, postée le 20-03-2013 à 15:26:39 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Votre façon de corriger me laisse pantois:
"Then, it was Jackson who had re-opened the case because he had found new evidence .(sinon, ça n'a pas de sens)
However,Martin , who was the most clever the cleverest(ne mettez pas les deux !!), thought plutôt(c'était un mot français!) of visiting first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.
Mettez des guillemets à votre texte, qu'on puisse faire la différence entre les paroles prononcées et la narration. Je vois bien peu de différences avec le premier. Le problème, c'est que le "corriger" ce serait le ré écrire souvent et à ce moment là c'est mon travail et plus le votre.
Regardez cet extrait:
they remembered this place because they couldn't find the truth, so they remembered this.
Ils se rappelèrent cet endroit parce qu'ils ne pouvaient pas découvrir la vérité, donc ils se rappelaient ceci. Les mots sont justes mais cela n'a guère de sens.
Vous vouliez sans doute dire:
"Ils se souvenaient de cet endroit parce qu'ils n'avaient pas pu découvrir la vérité et donc, ils s'en souvenaient"
They could remember this place because they hadn't been able to find the truth and so they could remember that, they had it on their minds.
Réponse: Correction/investigation de gerondif, postée le 20-03-2013 à 15:55:29 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu (même si je corrige certaines choses, les phrases nont pas toujours de sens)
(odm: ordre des mots)
It was soon when the two detectives walked to the Parker's house, they remembered this place because they couldn't find the truth, so they remembered this.Actually, Martin and Jackson, this house represent their failure moreover they left the parent's victim alone with their daughter's death.Therefore When they came near the street of the house it was the same like 8 years ago , they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.Jackson had re-opened the case because he had found new evidence .So, Martin, who was the most cleverest, thought of visiting first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.Then, Jackson wanted to ring but there was a big dog, ,Martin was sidelined?? because he was afraid of dogs, it made smile Jackson (à l'envers).When Martin struck a very deep voice ,called out Jacson (ordre des mots):
"Hello, who are you?" The Voice was surprised, it was an unusual time
"Hello, we are two detective" exclaimed Jackson, talking loudly because of the barking.
(guillemets, virgules !!!)
"Two?" questioned the man(pas d'inversion en anglais dans ce type de phrase)
"Yes, I am," Martin said, "we would like to talk to the parents of liza" , if possible, offered Martin
I am the father of Liza , rest his soul(Liza est un homme?),
"I come to open" affirmed the father of the victim with a voice almost sobbing (ordre des mots)
Immediately they heard a door slam and the same voice shouted:
"Snow, stop screaming", ordered the man, (pas logique, shouted et ordered sur la même phrase)
Mr Smith opened the gate, bowed to the two detectives, he seemed to have eyes shone, the two detectives had no time to react as his wife came out of the house and shouted:
"What is happening?", You could tell it(pour une femme??) had just left the table
"It is about Uh," the man stammered
Liza?!, Cut the woman sobbing
Nobody spoke, the couple shed a tear, the two detectives were very sad.
The man waved his hand to enter the room (showed them in)after this "surprise", the parents recognized the two former dectectives.the mother disappeared, makeup maybe....
There was a silence, during which Jackson spoke with a coffee (là, il parle à sa tasse!)served by the butler.
"You've recognized us after eight years, I know it may be painful, after all these years, especially for(pour? à cause de ?) your grief ...." Jackson declared
"Yes!" the father nodded, the mother sniffed
"But I know from experience that to relieve the grief you must know the cause of the death of his own daughter?" he continued
You not learn (conjugaison et sens? vous pas apprendre des choses...)some things, it is you who are investigating, right? Asked the father (odm)annoyed
Calm down, darling! cally(??) ordered his wife...
Though the situation of this woman touched the detectives
The couple did not let go of the picture frame look that represented the victim.
It could have been our daughter's daughter of anyone ….explained Jackson
Save yourself your speech, said the angry father (odm), his wife does(temps) not contradict him
Otherwise, Jackson regretted not having this discussion at the police station, it would have been easier, perhaps, he thought
"We would like to reopen the case" proposed Jackson (odm)
Why? the woman asked
"We may be evidence", declared Jackson (être ou avoir)
It is possible ...?! murmured the parents, crying (odm)
"Yes, but you should be okay" ... explained one of the detectives (odm)
"You have", replied the man in shock(odm)
We will ask you a series of questions", ordered Martin (odm + mauvais verbe)
"We will resume the investigation from the beginning", Martin continued
"We are ready!" they shouted to fight against the tears
Martin and Jackson looked, left a list of questions, also put a Jackson envelope in his(à qui) pocket very quickly .
Therefore (pourquoi par conséquent?)Martin put his dictaphone (il le met où? Ou alors, c'était le verbe allumer?)). Stone put the old couple who was in front(sens de la phrase ? incohérence avec la suite), was a mixture of excitement, grief, pain and little hatred. Immediately, Jackson and Martin thought to start (of starting)slowly, with "basic"questions as there were eight years.(mauvais choix de "il y a" et de structure)
-------------------
Modifié par gerondif le 20-03-2013 15:56
Réponse: Correction/investigation de janesmith, postée le 20-03-2013 à 17:43:13 (S | E)
Merci vraiment pour votre patience... c'est pas évident :/ !
Merci de corriger ce que j'ai modifié par contre il se peut que j'ai oublié de mettre en couleur ce que j'ai corrigé :/
It was noon when the two detectives walked to the Parker's house, they remembered this place because they couldn't find the truth, so they remembered this.Actually, Martin and Jackson, this house represented their failure moreover they left the parent's victim alone with their daughter's death.Therefore When they came near the street of the house it was the same as 8 years ago , they had the impression of being at the very beginning of the investigation.Jackson had re-opened the case because he had found new evidence .So, Martin, who was the most cleverest, thought of visiting first the parents and the suspect: Mr Lopez.Then, Jackson wanted to ring but there was a big dog, ,Martin was impressed because he was afraid of dogs, it made Jackson smile .When Martin struck a very deep voice ,Jacksoncalled out :
"Hello, who are you?" The Voice was surprised, it was an unusual time
Hello, we are two detective exclaimed Jackson, talking loudly because of the barking.
Two? questioned the man(pas d'inversion en anglais dans ce type de phrase)
Yes, I am,Martin said, we would like to talk to the parents of liza , if possible, offered Martin
I am the father of Liza , rest her soul
I come to open the father of the victim affirmed with a voice almost sobbing
Immediately they heard a door slam and the same voice shouted:
Snow, stop screaming,
which relieved Martin and let out a high-pitched , Jackson laughed , but they were both very serious as two students to teacher.
Mr Smith opened the gate, bowed to the two detectives, he seemed to have eyes shone, the two detectives had no time to react as his wife came out of the house and shouted:
"What is happening?", You could tell she had just left the table
"It is about Uh," the man stammered
Liza?!, Cut the woman sobbing
Nobody spoke, the couple shed a tear, the two detectives were very sad.
The man waved his hand to enter the room (showed them in)after this "surprise", the parents recognized the two former dectectives.the mother disappeared, makeup maybe....
There was a silence, during which Jackson spoke with a coffee (là, il parle à sa tasse!)served by the butler.
"You've recognized us after eight years, I know it may be painful, after all these years, especially for(pour? à cause de ?) your grief ...." Jackson declared
"Yes!" the father nodded, the mother sniffed
"But I know from experience that to relieve the grief you must know the cause of the death of his own daughter?" he continued
You learn some things? it is you who are investigating, right? the father asked annoyed
Calm down, darling! ordered his wife...
Though the situation of this woman touched the detectives
The couple did not let go of the picture frame look that represented the victim.
It could have been our daughter's, daughter of anyone ….explained Jackson
Save yourself your speech, the angry father said , his wife didn't
Otherwise, Jackson regretted not having this discussion at the police station, it would have been easier, perhaps, he thought .
We would like to reopen the case Jackson proposed (
Why? the woman asked
"We may be evidence", declared Jackson (être ou avoir) ?
It is possible ...?! the parents murmured
"Yes, but you should be okay" ... one of the detectives explained
"You have", the man in shock replied
We will ask you a series of questions", Martin suggested
"We will resume the investigation from the beginning", Martin continued
"We are ready!" they shouted to fight against the tears
Martin and Jackson looked, left a list of questions, also put a Jackson envelope in Jakson's pocket very quickly .
Then Martin put on his dictaphone .The old couple was a mixture of excitement, grief, pain and little hatred. Immediately, Jackson and Martin thought of starting slowly, with "basic"questions as eight years ago.
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
