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Correction/ dissertation
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection/ dissertation
Message de oxian posté le 09-03-2013 à 17:33:27 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez -ous m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance.
Cell phones have become a crucial part of our daily life nowadays. Everyone – from teenagers to old men – has his own cell phone. And now it become a problem in schools.
Should cell phones be banned within schools? To answer, it's necessary to weigh up the pros and cons.
On the one hand, many teachers argue that cell phone are a distraction and should be banned.
First, I agree on the fact that students cannot pay attention to the lesson being taught if they are constantly pulling out their phones to send messages. And this distraction is also disrespectful to the teacher. Sustain interest of 30 students is difficult, but if they are concentrate on their phones, this become a real challenge.
In addition, cell phones are often used for cheating purposes, such as sharing answers to friends during a test.
On the other hand, mobile devices can help students with quick researches and provide a vital communication link.
Indeed, mobile phones permit to parents to keep contact with their children. In my case, when I leave school earlier than expected, I call my mom for she pick me up.
In addition, phones are no longer used to call and have become true pocket computers. And we know that provide schools with recent material is very expensive. So why not simply use what any student have with him? They already know how to use them. It could be used by students to research and check information by themselves or watch a video related to the lesson.
And finally, I think that if a student want to text instead of learn, it's his problem. Besides, banning mobile phones is pointless because a student will bring his device even if they are forbidden.
To conclude, I'll say that cell phones shouldn't be banned in school. Although they distract and can prompt to cheat, they could be tools who can be used to enhance teaching and learning.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2013 19:00
Message de oxian posté le 09-03-2013 à 17:33:27 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez -ous m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance.
Cell phones have become a crucial part of our daily life nowadays. Everyone – from teenagers to old men – has his own cell phone. And now it become a problem in schools.
Should cell phones be banned within schools? To answer, it's necessary to weigh up the pros and cons.
On the one hand, many teachers argue that cell phone are a distraction and should be banned.
First, I agree on the fact that students cannot pay attention to the lesson being taught if they are constantly pulling out their phones to send messages. And this distraction is also disrespectful to the teacher. Sustain interest of 30 students is difficult, but if they are concentrate on their phones, this become a real challenge.
In addition, cell phones are often used for cheating purposes, such as sharing answers to friends during a test.
On the other hand, mobile devices can help students with quick researches and provide a vital communication link.
Indeed, mobile phones permit to parents to keep contact with their children. In my case, when I leave school earlier than expected, I call my mom for she pick me up.
In addition, phones are no longer used to call and have become true pocket computers. And we know that provide schools with recent material is very expensive. So why not simply use what any student have with him? They already know how to use them. It could be used by students to research and check information by themselves or watch a video related to the lesson.
And finally, I think that if a student want to text instead of learn, it's his problem. Besides, banning mobile phones is pointless because a student will bring his device even if they are forbidden.
To conclude, I'll say that cell phones shouldn't be banned in school. Although they distract and can prompt to cheat, they could be tools who can be used to enhance teaching and learning.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2013 19:00
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de lauradu69, postée le 09-03-2013 à 17:57:47 (S | E)
Bonjour,
tu devrais d'abord énoncer la thèse et l’antithèse suivies de ta conclusion personnelle.
Cela te fait alors 3 grands titres:
I] La thèse
II] L'antithèse
III] Conclusion personnelle .
Tu as utilisé beaucoup de connecteurs logiques mais il ne faut pas que tu mélanges le pour et le contre dans un même paragraphe, il faut que tu construises plusieurs paragraphes argumentatifs.
Lauradu69
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2013 19:01
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de oxian, postée le 09-03-2013 à 18:29:14 (S | E)
J'ai oublié de mettre le sujet : Cell phones should be totally banned in school. Discuss.
Me conseilles-tu de supprimer des connecteurs logiques ?
J'ai fait un plan contradictoire. Mon avis est exprimé dans la deuxième partie et la conclusion, et il ne me semble pas avoir mélangé le pour et le contre.
"il faut que tu construises plusieurs paragraphes argumentatifs." Je ne comprends pas. N'est-ce pas ce que j'ai fait ?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2013 19:05
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de lucile83, postée le 09-03-2013 à 19:10:06 (S | E)
Hello,
Gardez votre raisonnement; quant à moi je passe à autre chose.
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de oxian, postée le 09-03-2013 à 19:51:27 (S | E)
Bonjour, la partie "pour" (la première partie) est pourtant moins longue.
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de lucile83, postée le 09-03-2013 à 20:06:03 (S | E)
Hello,
idem, voir plus haut.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2013 20:43
Réponse: Correction/ dissertation de oxian, postée le 09-03-2013 à 20:35:14 (S | E)
Les téléphones portables devraient-ils être interdits dans les écoles?
Première partie (oui) : les points négatifs du téléphones à l'école (distraction et triche); donc c'est la partie "pour" (ces points négatifs amèneraient à interdire les portables)
Deuxième partie (non) : les points positifs, donc partie contre (non, les téléphones ne devraient pas être interdits car ils peuvent ou pourraient servir à de multiples reprises)
Du coup, je ne vois pas je ne vois pas en quoi la première partie est "contre".
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