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Correction / texte
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection / texte
Message de gadocartoon posté le 22-02-2013 à 17:41:11 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Cela fait quelques jours que j'étudie intensivement l'anglais et que je fais beaucoup de textes. En voici un qui m'a donné beaucoup de mal et dont j'aimerais savoir s'il est correctement écrit.
Merci d'avance pour le temps que vous m'accorderez.
Gianni
Texte:
Hi everybody,
First of all, let me introduce myself. I am Louis Carlton, I have 24 and I’m studying international trade. The reason I am calling for your help end up at the same time by a big betrayed and a big optimism. You will understand what I mean bellow.
In the first place, my brother Amaury and I would like to realize something that we take to heart. Indeed, it’s been a little over a year that we are interested in a project and where we put a lot of our energy and money. We would like to join a franchise in a particular sector. We contacted the owners of the franchise, employees, and franchisees. We also have been in the south of France to meet them in person.
But in order to realize this dream, we needed at least $ 15,000 to obtain the final loan to the bank. However, since our father is gone overnight, we are working to pay off debts and bills of the family home. But even if it is very tempting to give up, our mother taught us to hold the head high, remain optimistic and continue to have projects. That is why we contacted a friend to invest the amount required in our project. He was directly seduced and agreed to be part of the adventure with us. My brother and I have worked so hard to build a dossier that would be well-established to banks and have paid € 1,750 an expert who finalized the business plan. Once the business plan was finished, we went to see our friend and we gave him the case file. We presented the case and shown as the company would be profitable. He was completely delighted and we also elsewhere!
But this happiness was short-lived. A week ago, we learned he no longer wished to invest in our project, but wanted to open his own. Imagine the shock. After all this work, time and energy to complete this case, we have been betrayed for a childhood friend. Unfortunately that does not happen only in the movies. That is why I call for your help.
Thank you all in advance for gifts that will be given, however small they may be. Because your help is not only financial but especially mental and motivates us to surpass ourselves. Also, I think there is a moral of the story: you should never give up no matter what happen. A quote that I love says "The greatest men are not those who never fall, but those who are forever lift up.". I think that this quote summarize well what the life reserve us.
Thank you all for reading, take care of yourself and those you love.
L.Carlton
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2013 21:20
Message de gadocartoon posté le 22-02-2013 à 17:41:11 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Cela fait quelques jours que j'étudie intensivement l'anglais et que je fais beaucoup de textes. En voici un qui m'a donné beaucoup de mal et dont j'aimerais savoir s'il est correctement écrit.
Merci d'avance pour le temps que vous m'accorderez.
Gianni
Texte:
Hi everybody,
First of all, let me introduce myself. I am Louis Carlton, I have 24 and I’m studying international trade. The reason I am calling for your help end up at the same time by a big betrayed and a big optimism. You will understand what I mean bellow.
In the first place, my brother Amaury and I would like to realize something that we take to heart. Indeed, it’s been a little over a year that we are interested in a project and where we put a lot of our energy and money. We would like to join a franchise in a particular sector. We contacted the owners of the franchise, employees, and franchisees. We also have been in the south of France to meet them in person.
But in order to realize this dream, we needed at least $ 15,000 to obtain the final loan to the bank. However, since our father is gone overnight, we are working to pay off debts and bills of the family home. But even if it is very tempting to give up, our mother taught us to hold the head high, remain optimistic and continue to have projects. That is why we contacted a friend to invest the amount required in our project. He was directly seduced and agreed to be part of the adventure with us. My brother and I have worked so hard to build a dossier that would be well-established to banks and have paid € 1,750 an expert who finalized the business plan. Once the business plan was finished, we went to see our friend and we gave him the case file. We presented the case and shown as the company would be profitable. He was completely delighted and we also elsewhere!
But this happiness was short-lived. A week ago, we learned he no longer wished to invest in our project, but wanted to open his own. Imagine the shock. After all this work, time and energy to complete this case, we have been betrayed for a childhood friend. Unfortunately that does not happen only in the movies. That is why I call for your help.
Thank you all in advance for gifts that will be given, however small they may be. Because your help is not only financial but especially mental and motivates us to surpass ourselves. Also, I think there is a moral of the story: you should never give up no matter what happen. A quote that I love says "The greatest men are not those who never fall, but those who are forever lift up.". I think that this quote summarize well what the life reserve us.
Thank you all for reading, take care of yourself and those you love.
L.Carlton
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2013 21:20
Réponse: Correction / texte de gadocartoon, postée le 26-02-2013 à 21:02:56 (S | E)
non personne ?
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