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Correction/ résumé
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection/ résumé
Message de dbdyfr35 posté le 29-05-2018 à 09:52:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjourà tous et à toutes! à toutes et à tous,
Je dois rendre un résumé en anglais pour ma formation, et j'aimerais savoir si ce que j'ai fait est correct ou s'il y a (beaucoup?) de fautes. Par souci de confidentialité j'ai retiré plusieurs informations qui ne nuisent pas à la compréhension.
Voici mon résumé:
In order to complete my studies in networks and systems, I decided to do a Bachelor’s Degree in RIMS at the University Institute of Technology of xxx. Knowing that a sandwich course program would give me practical experience working with others in the field of network and systems administration, I was fortunate to have obtained a position working as a
provider on a xxx’s project in 
.
The xxx’s project is a highly efficient, but there were some things that I was asked to work on. Our main mission was the Helpdesk of
’s project. In order to address the tasks mentioned above, I worked on several things: I provided end user support for requests and incidents, I was asked to optimize certain functions by creating scripts to automate some tasks, and then was asked to teach these to my team with booklets and presentations. I managed computers, servers and network equipments like servers or switches thanks to management tools as Centreon, mRemote, Avitice, and I joined several Linux machines to the Windows domain of the project to ease the process of authentication of the administrators’ team on Linux machines. I also worked on spare servers and machines to create my own Windows domain and try several things with Linux and Windows machines to increase my skills on Windows Server.
I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to work as a xxx provider on the xxx’s project. It taught me a lot of things, I was given many projects to work on and problems to resolve which boosted my confidence knowing that my employer trusted me and my judgment to make sound decisions for them. I look optimistically forward to a future as a Systems and Networks administrator.
Est-ce que vous voyez des choses importantes à corriger, est-ce assez compréhensible?
Merci d'avance pour votre aide!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-05-2018 11:43
Message de dbdyfr35 posté le 29-05-2018 à 09:52:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
Je dois rendre un résumé en anglais pour ma formation, et j'aimerais savoir si ce que j'ai fait est correct ou s'il y a (beaucoup?) de fautes. Par souci de confidentialité j'ai retiré plusieurs informations qui ne nuisent pas à la compréhension.
Voici mon résumé:
In order to complete my studies in networks and systems, I decided to do a Bachelor’s Degree in RIMS at the University Institute of Technology of xxx. Knowing that a sandwich course program would give me practical experience working with others in the field of network and systems administration, I was fortunate to have obtained a position working as a
provider on a xxx’s project in 
.The xxx’s project is a highly efficient, but there were some things that I was asked to work on. Our main mission was the Helpdesk of
’s project. In order to address the tasks mentioned above, I worked on several things: I provided end user support for requests and incidents, I was asked to optimize certain functions by creating scripts to automate some tasks, and then was asked to teach these to my team with booklets and presentations. I managed computers, servers and network equipments like servers or switches thanks to management tools as Centreon, mRemote, Avitice, and I joined several Linux machines to the Windows domain of the project to ease the process of authentication of the administrators’ team on Linux machines. I also worked on spare servers and machines to create my own Windows domain and try several things with Linux and Windows machines to increase my skills on Windows Server.I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to work as a xxx provider on the xxx’s project. It taught me a lot of things, I was given many projects to work on and problems to resolve which boosted my confidence knowing that my employer trusted me and my judgment to make sound decisions for them. I look optimistically forward to a future as a Systems and Networks administrator.
Est-ce que vous voyez des choses importantes à corriger, est-ce assez compréhensible?
Merci d'avance pour votre aide!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-05-2018 11:43
Réponse : Correction/ résumé de gerondif, postée le 29-05-2018 à 11:24:06 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu
In order to complete my studies in networks and systems, I decided to do a Bachelor’s Degree in RIMS at the University Institute of Technology of . Knowing that a sandwich course program would give me practical experience working with others in the field of network and systems administration, I was fortunate to have obtained(mettre l'infinitif normal ) a position working as a provider on a ’s(bizarre d'avoir à la fois a et 's ! I am in a room in his room, in John's room; Le possesseur prend la place de l'article. I am working on a project, on a data project (nom composé, pas de 's) project in .
The ’s(m^me chose, the et 's ne vont pas ensemble) project is a highly efficient (alors s'il y a a, il manque un nom, si vous enlevez a, les adjectifs attributs conviennent), but there were some things (maladroit) that I was asked to work on. Our main mission was the Helpdesk of ’s project. In order to address the tasks mentioned above, I worked on several things (maladroit): I provided end user support for requests and incidents, I was asked to optimize certain functions by creating scripts to automate some tasks, and then was asked to teach these to my team with booklets and presentations. I managed computers, servers and network equipments like (such as) servers or switches thanks to management tools as like Centreon, mRemote, Avitice, and I joined several Linux machines to the Windows domain of the project to ease the process of authentication of the administrators’ team on Linux machines. I also worked on spare servers and machines to create my own Windows domain and try several things with Linux and Windows machines to increase my skills on Windows Server.
I am very thankful to have had (for having) the opportunity to work as a provider on the ’s project. It taught me a lot of things (maladroit), I was given many projects to work on and problems to (re)solve which boosted my confidence knowing that my employer trusted me and my judgment to make sound decisions for them. I look optimistically forward to a future as a Systems and Networks administrator.
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